He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
