At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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