he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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