I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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