i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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