i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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