I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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