you guys were way drunker than both of me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
