end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
