yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
