I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
