It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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