Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
