As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
