I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
