guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
