I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
