He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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