I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
