HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
