Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
