.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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