My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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