i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
