So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
