The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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