I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
