i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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