He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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