he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
