yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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