Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
