Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
