I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
