go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Small penises have feelings too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
