oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
