you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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