Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
