i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
