what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
