Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
