I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
