I'm jealous of your bromance
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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