My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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