he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
