my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
