don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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