Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
