You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
