Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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