I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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