If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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