Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
