Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
two words...techno handjob
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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