i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
