you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
