My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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