I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We just shotgunned beers for America
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
