so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
