I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.