if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
