So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
