can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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