Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize