I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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