im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize