Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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