So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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