After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
