She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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